yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
