When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
