$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
