and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
