Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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