i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
