i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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