Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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