She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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