I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize