one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
