There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
