You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
