Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
