i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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