She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
