I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
