I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This baby is an asshole
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
