So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
