just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
