I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
