i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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