oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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