So drunk its hurt
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
