your parents love me but you hate me
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
