You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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