I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
