Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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