I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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