this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
