Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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