does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
No more Irish car bombs ever.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
