I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
