when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
