Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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