WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
