Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I feel great
I just peed on a car
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
