If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
