my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
