I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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