is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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