break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
