haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
