I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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