you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
