Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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