Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
