Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
