Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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