uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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