You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
