we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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