we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
