I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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