Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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