DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
