dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize