Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
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high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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