I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
