1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
