Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
