i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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