i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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