God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
