The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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