i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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