You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She bit a glass in half.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
