I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
