from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
