Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
