I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
