: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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