When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
