I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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